Monthly Archives: December 2009

December 30th – A Look Back

This time tomorrow we will be just over a half hour from count down to the New Year. 2010 – a new year and a new decade – wow, where has the time gone? My journal entry for tonight begins “down to the end of the second last day of 2009 – my thoughts are on those things I did, those things I didn’t do and those things I still hope to do in the future.”

Personally, I do not like to make extravagant resolutions that lead you frolicking into January with a purpose and then leave you feeling like a failure the first time to forget to do whatever it is you promised to do; or perhaps you resolved to give up doing it and then did it anyway. That being said, I do make promises to myself to try to do better knowing deep in my heart that there are many things that I could do way better at least for my own well-being.

A look back on my year brings me to the realization that it began with knee pain and ended with it!! How weird is that? By the way, for those who don’t know or just as a reminder, my mother went through knee surgery early in 2009 after a lot of thought and a little procrastination. She was unsure but today she is doing amazing and so happy to have undergone the procedure. I took my holidays to stay with her and help out during the initial weeks of recovery. Me, I just threw mine out with too many stairs – but am happy to report that it’s doing much better after my week (more holidays) of self-inflicted hermit-like behavior …I will, therefore, not entertain thoughts of any kind of surgery, thank you very much.

Words – wow. They were my friends this year for sure and although I was not published in the “book” way I want to be published, I am published just the same. I post work on three web sites; I have written freelance pieces for three others; my job is sometimes all about writing and I have written letters, speeches, manuals, proposals, agreements, presentations, etc. etc. etc.; I was able to participate in NaNoWriMo which produced 50,000 words for a novel that was a mere idea and outline for a number of years. I also joined the blog world this year – now blogging on at least three sites and this site alone has allowed me to post 8,000 words. I want to thank everyone for their comments and their interest in sharing our writing lives.

I did things again this year that tend to be my bane, like moving. I cannot say it was a year without loss – two writer friends passed away. It was not a year without heartache – my sister’s cancer. These are the kinds of things that put the little things into perspective. They make you see reality.

So no more getting caught up in the little things of 2009.

What I didn’t do will get done if it is meant to be. I will think on this and post tomorrow for New Year’s Eve – December 31st – A Look Forward.

2010 – HAVE A SAFE AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

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Holding Steady

The winter air seems to be holding steady in amongst the mid-teens… and here in Alberta that can be a blessing because an icy northern blast can send us plummeting into the -30’s very quickly. If we look at the long range forecast we could become frustrated and obsessed with the fact that that very thing will happen soon and tolerable cold soon turns into something more intolerable. Our lives here are often planned around the weather and what happens depends on whether or not we can forge ahead or give up trying – at least for the moment. We always know that spring is but a few months away and that is the hope that gets us through the longest winter.

Our writing lives are much like the winter weather – it comes and goes in blasts piling up around us, shoveled to the side while we make a narrow path to navigate. We know there will be times of calm when our minds will put to paper projects labored in our hearts; written with the sweat of our brow, our blood and the tears from long toll. Too often when the storms of life converge we take cover – pen and paper tucked underneath our arms our back turned away from that which might spawn feelings. We must realize to stand our ground means to experience and let the fall out fuel as fodder for our work.

If we do not know loss we do not know hope for in us there is the ability to learn from our folly. To try again is not weakness but strength as long as we take the lessons with us and move forward in a positive manner.

Just living means we chance emotional turmoil and what in life is not worth that chance?

If all hope had failed there would be no words here, so my readers do not despair for me because I am merely writing from that storm and weilding my sword of creativity against the tempest.

My armour is thick but my heart is true - I will ride into the foray for you...

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At the keyboard

At the keyboard she is still young – able to surmount obstacles much like the superheroes that filled her younger years. She still believes in those heroes – the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers, Zoro – but they live inside, deep in her heart where her spirit is still strong and vibrant. This is where she lives and loves for deep in her heart are memories and reminders of things that once were. A strong mind still keeps her will pinned to this life in a way she cannot explain for all things seem to have forsaken her. Her body groans and grieves for the movement that once was and her heart, though battered and tattered around the edges still hopes and longs for someone to love…

At the keyboard she lives – she travels the country astride a magnificent horse and they move as one over path and rock and wave. Their spirits combine, for they are one and they give comfort to each other, happy in their peaceful world, never alone for they have each other.

At the keyboard she loves – her heart is given to a compassionate man whose world is shared with  hers – meaningful yet natural, caring and giving. Their souls join for they, too, are one and they give comfort to each other because they are always together.

At the keyboard in the darkness of the night she is never lonely for the midnight sky is forever jeweled with stars and a silver moon that guides her steps into night fall.

At the keyboard it is her favorite season and she tends a garden overgrown with her favorite flower, its delicate fragrance soft upon the breeze.

At the keyboard there is no sorrow, no disease, no heartache… and it is there that it is written that those who think upon their dreams and hold them dear and close and never give up – they will eventually see them bloom.

At the keyboard – her dreams come true.

She still believes in the heroes of her childhood for they have made a mark upon her heart...

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Winter Solstice

December 21st – the shortest day of the year! Well, it’s not really any shorter as there are just as many hours as in any other day but there are fewer of those hours in daylight. The good thing about today other than it means winter is officially here – is that now the days will start to get longer again. Gradually but technically, they do. There was more snow today too, as if to make its point.

Snowflakes fall lightly - a beautiful sight to see.

It was an awesome day at work for this writer. We shared in a potluck lunch that brought together all  co-workers, much fun, food and many laughs. We also exchanged gifts in a “secret Santa” that had us all aglow just like little children waiting for the big guy to deliver. As very lucky employees, we also all got another gift courtesy of our employers – the condition of this exchange was that they could be “stolen” by the next one in line if they liked it that much and so chose to do so. It is there that I lost the cool glasses that I got in a heated exchange and ended up with a box of chocolates, and although they looked like they were good, expensive chocolates, I will re-gift them in light of my recent pact to eat less stuff that is not good for me. (p.s. don’t peg me a martyr yet for I have had my share of Christmas treats and will begin over to count calories in the near future…)

Do you love musicals? This is one told totally by singing...

After work I made a quick stop to say hi to Lynn and drop off a gift for a friend. Next on the list was some last-minute shopping and then I met the girls from work at Jan’s place to have a chat and a glass of wine before the show. We saw the sold out performance at Festival Place – Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat… If you like musicals, can follow the story line given in tune and enjoy up-beat music and action, you will love this one. The performers did an awesome job – the young singers were so cute and I daresay, it was very colorful! I hear that the coat in the production is the actual one that Donny Osmond wore..

I was happy I could last through this long, busy day – and I’ll probably feel it tomorrow given the state my bones are in right at the moment. It was worth it, though, just to feel a little joy and share something more than just work, with the people you see everyday.

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Christmas Shopping

I love spending my money – as I can attest to wholeheartedly – I usually have none! I especially love buying gifts for others and although, that is not the true spirit of Christmas, it is one that resides in me. The giving part – that’s the spirit. I choose to buy not just one, but several gifts for whomever is in my life – family, close friends, work colleagues… Trying to find that perfect gift is sometimes a chore and sometimes you just happen on great things while out looking for something else. The shopping part is made easier if I can order on-line, or buy Avon from my mom, or pick it up at a place I would normally stop anyway – the running around part… that’s what tends to be difficult if the snow is deep or the weather is cold. I have probably mentioned several times that I don’t enjoy the cold weather and my body argues when it gets cold – I don’t know if it’s arthritis or weight stress or just lack of exercise – probably a combination of everything – but I will address that with more concentration once this festive season is over. For now, I will grin and bear it – all for the love of giving.

No matter what you give make sure it's given with love.

Merry Christmas and happy last-minute shopping!

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December’s Decision

It comes not without its usual demands – December pushes into our lives and we all scurry about to put the finishing touches on whatever it is we plan to do or give by the time we need do it or have to give it. This time of the year has always been busy for me, as it is for most people, with families, jobs, hobbies and hopes.

It is not quite as busy as some years in the past because I gave up long ago trying to push myself into making my own – gifts, baking, or entertaining – because quite frankly, it is very stressful and given my body’s reaction of late to the ensuing cold weather, it is more than mindful stress, it’s physical stress as well. I have over the last few years given up on several things I wanted to do, freeing up much more time for the things I need to do. This year finds me behind on the card making so I just bought some little cheap ones that will do the trick – not meaning that the message is not important, but rather, implying that it is more important than the package it is carried in. I will remember, and if I give myself enough time next year, there will be wildhorse created cards for all special occasions. It’s just making it important enough to be done.

I have come to a decision this December to get some things under my control again like words, weight and wealth with the help of a friend who is under as many pressures and is as overwhelmed at times, as I am. I try not to be – just do it, I say – but I do realize this pressure gets to me when I have to decide that in order to complete promised things I have to give up something else or make compromises that should not be made. I try to limit what it is I offer to do but you cannot foresee other events that will hit you like a ton of bricks and then you are blindsided, left to pick up and move on when you decide to do so.

It is this decision, this “pact” that will get me through and on to another new year. It is a difficult time because I struggle with some things that will only be reduced if I decide to do something concrete about them. I love writing – so that is am important part of every day. I love living – so I must get my weight issue under control before it has an even more detrimental affect on my health. I love to have the freedom to do the things I want to do – so I must get my financial situation under control.

This year has not been with its usual “linda” up’s and down’s… I moved again. I am still single and depressed about being alone. I am still overweight and although knowing that it affects my overall being did nothing to try to address it, hence, the “december decision.” Let’s not wait until the New Year’s resolutions roll out to party promises at the 12:00 o’clock toll. Let’s get these things looked at and get a plan going now. Time to start feeling better about myself.

I need to seriously think about it…then “just do it.”

December decision - seriously look at me and my life - what needs to change?

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Have you seen this blogger?

Dear Blog World:

I will be the first one to admit that this has been a crazy couple of weeks (perhaps even months) and it will only get busier as we approach Christmas will all the family events and shopping and fighting winter traffic (yuck!) but as writers we continue to blog, pen, type, poke and plot away in whatever manner we can, because after all, as writers we write. I am concerned, however, for a friend who has fallen off the blog earth and hasn’t commented or posted on the  WFSC web site either, lately. She can just ignore me for being so bold but she knows how much her encouragement helps me so… it is reciprocal and always available. Have you seen this blogger???

TRB - my friend

I know for a fact the bears didn't get her... so where is she? Hibernating?

If you see her, tell her I am wondering what she’s writing.  I miss her words.

Sincerely,

Her blog friend.

P.S. Stay safe – Stay warm…

Is it spring yet? Wake me up when winter's all over.

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So… what did you write?

I know you are all chopping at the bit – lol – right, like it matters. Well just in case you are interested, the following is what finally came out of my confused brain:

“I closed my eyes for just a moment – trying to relax my mind. It took some effort to let those tightly held thoughts flow so they could be freely expressed.  What a difference from last month, when the words would not stop and I managed to achieve what was necessary. At this time, though, I am looking for some kind of emotionally uplifting thought that can be shared in the spirit of the season and as I perused the offerings I was getting more and more desperate – concerned that there were none that I cared to share at this time. These thoughts were not easy to attain and they are most certainly, not carefree in any manner.”

“After several efforts and a couple of sleepless nights, I decided to give up on the festive mood, creative writing thing and here I am – standing on the doorstep of writer’s despair. Nothing good can come from this exchange and I force myself to look about at others – see their anguish, their situation, and their trials – it was then that I decided to give in is just to give up, and besides it wasn’t life or death.”

“Words are not scarce – they never will be, for me. It is something that should not worry me, although, I get caught up easily in the process way too often. It is just their direction and their delivery that eludes me at times when other things are more important, distracting, and requires my emotional attention. It is times like these that the “downside” to life is more prominent than the “upside” of my writer’s life.”

“As I write this, I am still tugging at the leash, wanting to run off on some other tangent, but I insist on willing myself to keep on writing and perhaps freefall myself into a creative heap – and perhaps I can dig out some profundity like magnetic poetry on the fridge from little cut up, mixed up words. And that makes me laugh, because actually I have had some profound statements from these mere offerings – however, they escape me at the moment. Or rather, they don’t come to mind.”

“This paper dish offers food for thought

Emotions are raw and piping hot

With spice of life and dash of reason

A pinch of sweetness to greet the season

A watched kettle won’t boil and put out the fire

And life is too tasty to give up on desire

This recipe for cheer is not lightly taken

Especially when served up bruised and shaken

Sometimes life’s bite leaves a bitter taste

We tend to dismiss good for bad in haste

So with friends around to share this part

Merry Christmas with all my heart.”

No matter the style - modern or old fashioned - have a Merry Christmas!

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Trying to write something

I am trying very hard to write something “festive” for the writer’s Christmas party tonight. Yes, I said tonight! It is not to be said that I have gone on not knowing and not trying – it is again one of those things that just does not come naturally because I am trying too hard. I am trying extra hard because I have to work around other things and thoughts that are residing in my head at this time, this year. That being said, there have been many lines come to pass – right from my mind and out – and although several have made it to paper, I have not found that special something that makes me want to share. So. It’s coffee break at work and I sit here … thinking … again and trying too hard, again. Stupid, left brain – stop it already! I could just resort to reading some old stuff – from last year or the year before, or the year before that! I know there are some new people who have not heard them but please, I am supposed to be able to come up with this stuff at any given moment. I would venture to guess that I didn’t use all my words up in November because they were focused and directed on a specific project… and there are always more words where they came from. I have no fear that something will come to me… but if I’m writing it on the kitchen counter as I set out the festive ware – I am not sure what condition it or the food might be in! In any event, I know what I want to say – it is just having a problem coming out in a happy, merry, creative way. Perhaps, a glass of wine might take the sharpness off…

It just might go without saying...

...deck the halls...

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Time for just a little cheer

 As I try to look back over the year 2009 and remember all the things that I should be thankful for, I tend to focus most of my attention to the last couple of weeks. It has not been a year without failure or triumph as it has been punctuated with its fair share of both. It is within the last couple of weeks, though, that the elation of my passion and the deflation of my soul have occured in unison. This is not creative harmony as I sometimes struggle with how to deal with it and go on to do all that needs to be done. I feel blessed with the accomplishment of having participated in the NaNoWriMo competition and I managed 50,501 words without giving up all that is claimed to be forgotten during this month of wild word abandon. In this bliss, however, lies a nagging sadness that lingers after finding out someone very dear is dealing with what could be a life altering situation to do with cancer and operations and all that goes along afterwards. This is the thing that holds me up from actually feeling any merriment even though the festive season is upon us. It is her strength and spirit that gives me hope she will be okay. And there is where I rest – that is what I can be the most thankful for – not for pretty wrapped presents or extravagant parties – no, just for a will power called Sylvia.
 

Listen to the bells ring... in chorus, the angels sing...

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